I'd Rather Drown in the Shadows
by Salia Glacerious
Summary: Sasuke decides to drown his thoughts with sake and Konan decides to keep him company for awhile, but what she wasn't expecting though was for Sasuke to confess something rather... disturbing. T for alcohol reference and also for possible later chapters.


**Note: I really don't know if this will be a one-shot or not, this is mainly Sasuke centric. (Even though there are so many out there already)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own naruto nor anything that had to do with naruto. That goes to Masashi Kishimoto. The plot goes to me. (even though I suck at fanfics)**

**Sasuke is very drunk and when Konan comes by and sits down by him, he tells her a very sad childhood with a shocking conclusion.**

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**I'd Rather Drown in the Shadows**

"There was a small town on the edge of the Mist Village. It was used to be a refuge for the Uchiha family. That was were Itachi and I had been born. So we would be safe and out of the

reaper's hands. That was a very long time ago though and such a small town it was. So grateful to be invisible to ungrateful beings and so vain for being peaceful and dim. If this little

place had been destroyed or found by the wrong people then where would Itachi have fled to after the massacre? Where would I be now? We both knew of this place, never grew up

here though. Our mother would have loved to have lived here and kept Itachi with her. She would have been so happy." Sasuke was sitting at a table in this small town's tavern,

obviously intoxicated by the amount of sake that he had literally poured down his throat. His black eyes were dilated to where you could see the sorrows and bitterness that ran through

his head. To bad he was only fifteen, such children should not be inclined to drown their thoughts in alcohol at least not yet.

Across from him sat the Akatsuki's only female member, Konan. She had been passing the tavern but came in and sat by Sasuke after seeing him through the window. So far she had

been listening but had been more focused on the expressions on his face. She thought he was adorable and always wondered why Itachi didn't bring Sasuke with him. The counter-

though; He would be even more corrupt than he is now. Konan smiled at Sasuke, her hand signaled to him to continue with his story with no matter how many words he would slur and

no matter how many drinks he downed.

"Did you know that Itachi didn't really kill our clan?" Konan almost had a heart attack, she didn't let it show on her face though. One eyebrow was carefully raised in confusion. "If Itachi

didn't kill them all..." There was a small pause. "Then who did?"

Sasuke tried to sit up as straight as he could, "I did."

Now Konan had a heart-attack, the shock was plastered on her face. "You did?"

He replied with a yes and decided that he would tell her the rest of the truth.

"If you will sit here and listen, I will tell you how it happened."

She nodded and then wished she never even walked past the building.

"I could tell my mother was very unhappy by the time I could open my eyes. Unhappy with me, with father, with the marriage, with the family. The only person she ever showed any

happiness or actual love to was Itachi. I felt so alone, she hardly ever gave me any attention. I never wanted to sit in that little wooden cage they called a crib for hours and hours during

the day. Father would barely ever come by either and Itachi only thought of me as competition so he would purposely direct her attention towards him. They gave me little toys to play

with but I couldn't bring myself to even touch them. Especially not the creepy little stuffed monkey they put in with me. I would still have nightmares over that.

I was around eight months old when father actually walked into the room. He sighed and started to walk out but I had enough of his negligence. I wanted someone to care. I was very

angry so I threw one of the blocks out of my wooden cage and it hit him straight in the head. He turned around and I threw another one straight at his forehead. I still remember that he

just looked at me with an odd expression on his face. Then he came over and picked me up because I never realized I had been crying when I threw those things at him.

My next memory was when I was about a year and a half old. I threw sharp objects at the walls and ceilings, I was given target boards and I was throwing knifes at the very centers.

They called me the second prodigy of the Uchiha clan. That just made Itachi mad, mother was even more unhappy, and father just wanted to show me off. I didn't like the fact that my

next target would be people. I never wanted to be a ninja. I really never even liked picking up weapons much less using them. I was forced to make the clan proud, any less than what

was expected would put dishonor on everyone around me. How could I let anyone down? All I had to do was give up my soul to become what everyone else wanted me to be and now

look where it had gotten me, I had such a _wonderful _future. A future where I realized that love does not exist and there is no such thing as happiness. Isn't everything wonderful? I think

so, but I only probably think that because I am nothing but a machine born to kill and to die in hell."

Konan held her breath. She felt as if any more would make her cry but she listened. Calmly, without smiling.

"I was a threat to all other nations when I turned five years old. The Third Hokage would tell me how special I was, with such skill. I also still remember when he thought I was mute

cause I didn't never said anything to anyone. I couldn't open my mouth. Like it was shut with glue. My father was so proud. He was actually proud of me but mother didn't want to get

near me. Itachi was her first child and with Itachi she would put her skills as a mother to use. Itachi hated me more and more, I learned jutsus one after another. Fire, lightning, water,

earth, wind. I knew jutsus in all elements. I was such a threat that they were too scared to send assassins for fear of losing them. No one would start a war with Konoha and it's soon-to-

be strongest weapon. But it went crashing down when I fell down the stairs and busted my head open a week before I turned six. I couldn't remember how to do anything. The threat

was gone, my skill gone, no one was proud of me after that. So they relied on Itachi to restore the honor."

The blue haired woman looked down into her own glass. She felt sympathy for the child.

"Three days before the massacre."

She looked back up to listen to Sasuke.

"Father told Itachi that he loved him as a father should love his son. I still remember how Itachi looked at him and then gave him a hug. So for the rest of the day I decided to tag along

with father but I really did not get what I wanted, nothing but criticism. I was really hoping he would tell me he loved me too. That was expected though, I was nothing compared to

Itachi.

Two days before the massacre I went around to everyone and told them that I loved them. No one told me they loved me. They acted as if they didn't hear me, they completely ignored

me altogether. I felt like something was pulling my chest downward. It made me sick to my stomach. I refused to eat after that.

One day before the massacre."

Konan's heart started pounding in her chest. She felt a deep stinging in her chest. She knew that because he was intoxicated there was no stopping the story. Her chest felt very heavy

though, like she was taking part of the burden off of him. As soon as she thought of it that way she vowed never to complain even to herself about it.

"I went up to father directly. I asked him if he loved me, there was no response. Itachi was also in the room so when father would not answer I asked Itachi. Itachi looked at me with

such hatred. No words were needed. I felt as if everything around me was slipping away. I walked to mother's room light-headed. I assumed the answer would be silent but I had to try

anyway right?"

Konan nodded her head. She looked at the expression on his face. He looked faint, pale. Like he was going to collapse at anytime. She moved to his side.

"I walked into mother's room. She was sitting there with a scroll stretched out across her lap. The look on her face told me that she was annoyed by the intrusion. But I had to ask, I

asked her if she loved me. As I expected there was none. At least not at first. I was about to leave, then she told me one word. _"No."_

Konan froze in place, Sasuke's head was hanging low. He had been hunched over the table for a couple of minutes now. She tried to get a look at his face but failed so instead she

shakily place her hand right below his neck.

"Have you ever had the feeling where everything seems a lot more vivid than usual and you feel as if your going to fall through the floor?"

The blue haired woman sat for a minute. "Yes. Only once though. It feels as if you just died."

Sasuke laid his head on the table. "That is exactly what I felt."

Sasuke continued. "I should have never asked her why. She told me that I was born a demon, just something to kill others with. I was loud as a baby, unlike Itachi who never even cried

once. She didn't want a second child, Itachi was enough for her. Itachi made her happy. I on the other hand made her unhappy. I was in the same league as my father. For an eight year

old I think I took that pretty well, I just walked out of the house and into the small woods near the household. I sat there, breathing. I didn't cry. I am pretty sure I fainted though cause

when I came around to noticing things around me it was very dark. I walked home very slowly, everyone was asking where I was. I knew that they didn't care. I didn't talk for the rest of

the night. My nightmares started when I went to sleep that night. Nothing was going to be okay anymore, never would anything be okay."

She could hear his breathing hitch a few times. His arms had been wrapped around his stomach with his forehead still glued to the table. She didn't know what to do, her mouth opened

so she could try and comfort him but he continued on.

"The next day I had to go to the academy in order to take some tests. I flunked all of them of course. The teachers were very concerned, I was suppose to graduate after that too. They

tried to get a hold of my parents but they couldn't. So they sent me to the Hokage. He asked me so many questions, I didn't want to answer them so I just lied. I am guessing he knew

that I wasn't telling him the truth because he kept asking the same things over and over again. I felt as if I was going to be sick right then and there. It was dark so he finally let me go

home. I walked slowly. Every step was very painful, I didn't have any will to get home. Mother was always so fake when she welcomed me home. I didn't want to look at her face again.

Yet for all of the bad things there was one good thing that came out of it all."

Sasuke sat up, his eyes were still dilated. You could see his thoughts through his head because his pupils were expanded so much. He was intoxicated beyond belief. This time though he

leaned his head on Konan's shoulder and spoke softly.

"I saw the Uchiha clan, their bodies strewn out everywhere and everything was bloody. I didn't flinch at all, I didn't feel anything for them. I didn't feel anything when my parents were

found lying on the floor with a pool of bright red blood pouring out from under them. The only reason I ever wanted to kill Itachi was because he was so selfish and bit the hand that fed

him. He threw away everything. He doesn't deserve the attention he got, he doesn't deserve life."

Konan slowly put her arm around Sasuke and then put her free hand on Sasuke's head.

"I went back and found that no one was actually dead. So I just took a kunai and finished his job for him. Itachi must be so proud to have such a helpful little brother right?"

"Yes Sasuke. He would be very proud, or at least I am." She kissed his forehead.

Sasuke looked up at her. "Are you really proud of such a monster?"

Konan laughed. "You could never be a monster. Monsters do not exsist."

Sasuke smiled and sat there peacefully until his eyes returned to their normal state. He told her to go ahead because he was going to leave soon.

"Come back when you need me." She told him.

And he answered her with a smile that made her feel as if he left something very important out. Something someone other than himself should know.

He would never tell her of the trauma he put Itachi through that night. The constant crying, and screaming, and begging him to say 'I love you' even if it was fake. Cause he knew it would never happen. Not for real anyway. Sasuke would never be able to live peacefully after that. He never told her how much he wanted to take his own life. He was too scared to die but too hurt to live. Never at all.

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**Did you enjoy? If so then I would love your reviews, or criticisms. **


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